It's Been Awhile

It's been awhile since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile since I first saw you
And it's been awhile since I could stand on my own two feet again
And it's been awhile since I could call you

And everything I can't remember
As screwed up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've stretched myself beyond my means

And it's been awhile since I can say that I wasn't addicted
And it's been awhile since I can say I love myself as well
And it's been awhile since I've gone and screwed things up just like I always do
And it's been awhile but all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you

And everything I can't remember
As screwed up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've gone and screwed things up again

Why must I feel this way?
Just make this go away
Just one more peaceful day!

And it's been awhile since I could look at myself straight
And it's been awhile since I said I'm sorry
And it's been awhile since I've seen the way the candle lights your face
And it's been awhile but I can still remember just the way you taste

And everything I can't remember
As screwed up as it all may seem to be
I know it's me
I cannot blame this on my father
He did the best he could for me

And it's been awhile since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile since I said I'm sorry


Staind
Break the Cycle
2001
Elektra/Flip

My Morning Commute

My morning commute today was much less stressful than normal. That is ironic because today was absolute blizzard conditions. Here's the reason: People were driving slow, less than 35mph. People were properly spacing their cars and not tailgating. Everyone politely used their turn signals and everyone was willing to slow down and let someone merge into the lane in front of them. AMAZING!

Of course there were a couple of idiots that don't realize that the All-Wheel-Drive-Slalom on the freeway is a qualifying event for the Paralympics. The sad thing is that they may end up qualifying someone else. I only saw 2 of them. Jerk in a Honda and one in a Yukon....hummmm? I guess their lives and jobs must be more important than the rest of us. We should always pull over and let those people pass because whatever it is they do at work must affect world peace.

Too bad we can't drive with the same concern for others and courtesy when it isn't snowing. You can still drive 65 and be courteous....somewhere in this world I'm sure. Drive safe. Buckle up and give yourself a few extra minutes to get to where your going. Enjoy the journey.

So we finally get the "beater" truck I've always wanted. The piece of crap '87 Ford F150 with good tires, a trailer hitch and a heater that works; What else do you need, right? The gas gauge doesn't work. It goes from half-full to empty around the block. So you really never know when it's quite on empty. I found out today on the freeway, halfway to work that when it says "empty" it's really empty.

I was clipping along at a brisk 60 miles an hour in the right lane. There's no need to push a beater; people expect you to go slow in a truck like that. You see, the only thing missing in this picture is three Mexicans with white cowboy hats in the front seat and a truck-bed full of grass clippings! Anyway...chug, chug, OH Crap! I really am out of gas. I turned on my flashers and pulled off to the side of the freeway. All is not lost as I was smart enough to keep a gas can (with gas!) in the back of the truck. This should just take a minute. Why does the term "WRONG!" occur so much to me lately?

I realize that the size of the can and the fact that the spout is too stubby won't allow the spout to reach into the gas cap filler. No worries! I have a funnel in the tool box. I retrieve the keys out of the ignition so I can unlock the tool box. You have to understand that I am on the freeway side of the truck. The cars are whizzing by at 70 miles an hour a mere 4-5 feet away, AND, it is about ZERO degrees outside. I am freezing my A off! I fiddle with the little key on the key chain and try to insert it into the small lock. WRONG! It's frozen shut. Hummm?! I'll just go to the other side. I walk around the truck and find the same results, frozen lock. This is not good. Then I notice that the lock on the box is actually turned sideways into the open position. I push the black button and HA the box opens. Only problem is that the freakin' funnel is clear on the other side of the box and I can't reach it. It's getting colder.

I stare at it for 5 minutes trying to figure out a way to get it. I try throwing one end of the battery cables at it to hook it. That's a joke. I'm hosed. I figure I'll just wait in the truck until the Incident Management truck comes by to help me manage my incident. But I'm a guy. I can figure this out.

I spot a long twig about 3 feet down the embankment laying in the snow. Thought - long twig inserted into bottom of funnel 4 feet away will allow me to lift it and pull it over to the open side of the box. SOLUTION! You have to know what's coming here. Yes. I step down the embankment, slip, fall and slide about 10 feet on my butt. OK - It's 7:15 in the morning, freezing cold. Can someone cut me SOME SLACK HERE!!!! I find my upper teeth pressing hard into my lower lip fffforming the ffffirst letter of a primal word that wants to LEAP OUT OF MY MOUTH!

OK- I take a deep breath, check my anger, grab the twig and start back up the bank. The twig works. I am reminded of the chimpanzees that stick twigs down the openings of ant colonies, pull them out and eat the ants stuck to the twig. Animals using tools! Rick using tools!

I jam the funnel into the filler cap and pour in the gas. My fingers are freezing. I chuck the funnel and the now empty gas can into the back of the truck, climb back in the cab and turn the key......YES! Ignition! I'm off. Enough gas to get me to the gas station. I do remember to fill up the gas can again.

There is a bright side. I figure at least I had a gas can with gas in it. And I probably made some one's morning start with laughter as I am sure at least a few people saw me tumble down the embankment. I am 45 minutes late for work so I figure what's another 20 so I might as well write this down and share it.

The Lord, in his wisdom, gives us challenges and the ability to overcome them. I overcame this morning! I am glad my ancestors learned how to use a twig as a tool and passed that knowledge down to me.

Spoiling the Grandchildren

As much as Marian and I would like to have Grandchildren it's just not in the cards right now. We are jealous of our friends and peers that have graduated into Grandparenthood. As we all know we can only control a portion of our lives, and I at least, haven't even figured out what portion that is yet. I guess maybe what goes in my mouth and what comes out of my mouth.... but that's a subject for another blog.

For now we do our best at spoiling who we have. BRUCE!

We babysat Bruce a while back and only managed to get him snipped at by Pele our Lab and scratched in the nose by Calvin our gay cat which precipitated tears from Marian, a phone call to me at work and a visit to the Vet. (As Jack Nicholson said in the movie As Good As It Gets when he found himself crying and laughing at the same time after the return of Verdell to Simon his owner ... "Over a dog! Over an ugly dog!") Overall not a very successful over-niter at Grandma and Grandpa's. Maybe we need some more practice before the real one's come along.

Anyway. We spoil Bruce as best we can. When he is allowed to come over he gets more attention than our own kids.

To prove it here's Bruce's new Pajamas. A gift from "Grandma".

Happy New Year!!

Happy Freakin’ New Year!

I hope for all of you that 2008 is a great year and brings you all the “righteous desires of your heart”.

In the coming year, if you read or visit my blog please leave a comment. If nothing else your name and where you’re from. I see a lot of unknown hits and would like to know if it’s someone other than my family. Tell me if something made you laugh, made you mad, made you cry or made you simply say, “What an idiot this guy is!”

I know this is lame but I feel I need to put my new year’s resolutions in writing. I know each of us want to improve in some area of our life or accomplish something bigger or better this year. I know mine are so massive I don’t even know where to start. The key is starting, so writing them down is a start.

I am of the age and the wisdom that I understand accomplishing these things isn’t rocket science. It’s not about being lucky or smarter than everyone else. It’s simply discipline and setting short and long term goals. It’s really about discipline, belief in myself, and faith. I need to increase all three of these traits this year. Those perhaps, are the real resolutions. Everything else will happen as a result of an increase there. Here’s the list:


This is the most lame of all … DIET! LOSE WEIGHT! – I managed to drop 50lbs last year from June to Oct. Then managed to put 15 back on. Maybe I am an idiot! But I proved I could do it. The goal is 100 lbs from where I am today. Yesterday was the last undisciplined day. At east today I have taken my magic pill, had my breakfast drink and have consumed another 20 oz of water and it’s only 10AM. I’ve already had to pee 3 times. It must be working.

BE HAPPY! I realize no one can make me unhappy. I have to decide to be unhappy/happy myself. So I will decide to be contagiously happy.

WRITE. Finish my book. Make a daily writing commitment.

READ. Read the Scriptures daily and constantly be involved in a good book.

TAKE TWO NICE VACATIONS! I want to go on a cruise this year and I want to take a road trip to church history sites. A long weekend or two in California or Vegas is in order too!

WORK SMARTER. The hours I worked last year were outrageous, that needs to change significantly.

The biggest goal I have this year is to let Marian quit her job and buy her a new car. I know this is a simple function of accomplishing the "discipline, belief and faith" issue.

That’s it! I’m going to try and adopt Presidents Hinckley’s watchword and motto:

“Do the very best you can”

That's all any of us can do.